Language lessons


I recently discovered Lelaina Faye's Instagram account (@defenestrans) and love their "Language Lessons for Lefties." She points out that allies often unintentionally use incorrect phrases that are framed by and weaponized by the right.

Right-wing framing has been repeated so often that it starts to seem like acceptable vernacular. But when we repeat these phrases or terms, we're accidentally keeping them alive. Allies can work on noticing when familiar phrases come from political campaigns designed to dehumanize — and choose not to carry that framing forward.

Some helpful tips from Lelaina's videos and the comments:

Instead of: Biological woman (or man, son, daughter, etc.)
You can say: Woman (or cisgender woman)
Why: This term demotes trans women. "Biological" just means related to living organisms, so "biological women" actually describes all women, including trans women. It's not a scientific category - the term just has the appearance of being scientific and implies that being trans is artificial. If you're referring to a woman who isn't trans, you can say "cisgender woman" or "cis woman."

Instead of: Preferred pronouns
You can say: Pronouns
Why: They're not a preference; you just have pronouns. If you're referring to someone else, you can say "His pronouns are he/him." In some cases, some people do have preferred pronouns when they go by multiple pronouns but prefer specific ones.

Instead of: Became trans
You can say: Came out; discovered; began transitioning; is transgender
Why: No one becomes trans. They come to the realization that the discomfort they were feeling is from being perceived as something they're not (because they're transgender/gender expansive). If you're talking about timing, you can say "when they came out" or "when they discovered they were trans." If you're talking about appearance or medical stuff, you can say "began transitioning." Otherwise, you can just say someone "is trans."

Instead of: Identifies as a girl
You can say: Is a girl
Why: Someone wouldn't "identify as" a girl: she IS a girl. "Identifies as" implies that being trans is not real.

Instead of: Born a boy
You can say: Born with male phenotypes; assigned male at birth; male physicality
Why: People are not born as men or women. Some people are born with male phenotypes, some with female, and some with a combination; then society builds an expected gender persona around that. Referencing phenotypes is something based in fact rather than an educated guess made by a doctor when someone is born! "Assigned male at birth" often gets used unnecessarily. You can simply say trans boy/trans girl/nonbinary, as that focuses on who they are. if I say, “Jenny is a trans woman,” there is no need to add, “and she was AMAB". It’s redundant in that context.

Instead of: Transgendered
You can say: Transgender
Why: Being trans is not something that was done to someone or something that happened in the past. it’s just the current reality. Adding the “-ed” to transgender is also unnecessary and grammatically incorrect.

I hope this helps, and go follow Lelaina!

Mandy Giles
Founder and CEO
Parents of Trans Youth

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Parents of Trans Youth

Parents of Trans Youth provides learning, support, and community to parents and caregivers of transgender, nonbinary, and gender diverse kids. Join our email list for bite-sized tips and news about supporting trans kids sent straight to your inbox twice weekly.

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