I've got a special treat for you, Reader.

A member of the Parents of Trans Youth Community wrote the most beautiful post the other day, and they gave me permission to share it with you:

Watching my kid stay true to who they are, even when others question them, has been one of the most grounding lessons of my adult life. They’re only 8, and they’ve already faced bullying, exclusion, and those quiet, subtle moments that teach kids, “You’re different. You’re inconvenient. You don’t quite belong here,” just for existing. And somehow, they still show up as themselves.

They’ve learned, sometimes the hard way, that real friends are the ones who make you feel safe and seen. Watching that has forced me to look at my own choices, too. Early on, I was the one trying to fit in, trying to smooth things over, trusting systems that said they were “trying” while misgendering my kid, dismissing their pronouns, or refusing to use their name because it “wasn’t on the record.”

We dealt with doctors who ignored notes, a swimming club that allowed bullying over my child’s body, teachers who divided kids into “boys and girls” for things that had nothing to do with gender, and adults who stayed silent when cruel comments were made. Bathrooms weren’t safe, and no alternatives were offered, so my child often held it all day. At my job, coworkers even accused me of abusing my child and trying to force them into a girl’s identity just because they wore the clothes and played with the toys that made them happy.

And through all of it, my kid kept being exactly who they are.

Watching that resilience reminded me to stop shrinking myself to make others comfortable, and to put up boundaries and fight back when I needed to. My child already understands something it took me decades to learn: you’re allowed to take up space. You don’t have to earn belonging by changing who you are. The people worth keeping close, and the places worth supporting, are the ones that make you feel safe.

Parenting through bullying is heartbreaking, but it’s also clarifying. I’ve changed jobs, doctors, schools, extracurricular activities, and become far more intentional about the people we keep in our lives. I have a deeper sense of self-acceptance thanks to watching my kid take up space, and I’ve learned that confidence isn’t about never being hurt, it’s about not letting that hurt define you.

What’s something your kids have taught you that completely shifted how you see yourself?

- M.V., Florida parent

Wow. This resonates with me so deeply. For so many years, I changed who I was to earn belonging. Now, I don't have to edit myself to fit someone else's idea of who they think I should be.

What about you?

Mandy Giles​
Founder and CEO
​Parents of Trans Youth​

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