Sunday was National Coming Out Day, and it got me thinking about how coming out is not a one-and-done thing.

Trans kids (and people) often have to come out multiple times to multiple different people in multiple different situations. And that goes for families of trans kids, too.

If this is new to you, it may feel awkward or uncomfortable when telling someone your kid’s new name and pronouns. I’ve been there!

I tried giving people a full "Gender 101" to explain my kid’s new name, and I tried kinda coughing my way through the new pronouns.

I finally found something that works: I came up with ONE sentence telling someone my kid’s new name and pronouns.

Example: "Oh, they go by Mars now and use he and they pronouns." Period. The end.

One sentence is all you need, and that’s all anyone else needs! You’re not obligated to explain anything else about your kid, and no one is entitled to additional information. For reals.

You can end the conversation, run to the bathroom, say, "Oh, that's kinda private" or "You'll have to ask Mars" - whatever you need to do. Or you can answer their questions, depending on the situation, but you never have to.

Practice your one sentence in the mirror. Then try it out in the world.

And remember: any discomfort you might feel is just a fraction of what your kid might be feeling every single fuckin' day, navigating a world that might not necessarily understand them.

But you can do your part to support them by being strong and brave when you're coming out as the parent of a trans kid.

Try it and let me know how it goes!

Mandy Giles (she/her)
Founder and CEO
​Parents of Trans Youth​

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