I had not planned on responding publicly to Charlie Kirk's death.
I do not tolerate gun violence, and I'm also not shedding tears over that man. Both things can be true.
But parents I serve are asking for comfort and guidance. They're scared, and so are their children. I'm not sure I have answers, but I can offer some ways of thinking about this moment:
Safe harbor
For parents, be sure to let your children know that you have their back and that they will always be safe at home. Home needs to be a refuge from whatever else is going on in the outside world. Tell them with words and show them with actions.
Perspective
I'm not an expert on queer history, but I do know that the LGBTQ+ community, particularly the trans community, has survived so much and thrived. Equality advocates in Texas like to say, "We've been through this before, and we'll get through it again." No one can take away who you (or our loved ones) are. As a trans friend told me yesterday, "This is just a drop in the bucket of our history." With progress and visibility comes backlash, but the overall trajectory is upward.
Use the moment
You can ask yourself why there is so much outrage about the assassination of this man but school shootings have become blips in the news cycle. Call out the selective outrage. Speak out against gun violence in all forms. Demand the same empathy for Democrats or trans women or immigrants or children.
Free speech vs. hate speech
Hate speech might be included in free speech, but it sure has a cost. When speech is crafted to cause actual harm to groups of people, that's not OK and shouldn't be ignored. Charlie Kirk was not a "shining example of constructive dialogue" or committed to "fairness and respect for those who challenged him" (as an ex-Facebook friend expressed yesterday). Instead, his "rhetoric and public statements were a textbook case of hate speech designed to inflict harm" (The Pesky Liberals). Hate speech may not be against the law, but it has very real consequences. "As history continues to show, hate speech coupled with disinformation can lead to stigmatization, discrimination and large-scale violence" (United Nations).
This moment reminds us to expose the hate machine. To call out lies and misinformation. To remind our children (and ourselves) that transgender people are not an ideology or problem to be solved, but humans lucky enough to figure out who they really are.
Manage your stress
This event and the even the reactions to it have been incredibly stressful for most of us. We've got to take care of ourselves. We need to complete the stress cycle and allow our parasympathetic nervous system to reset after stress triggers. Some healthy stress responses:
- Engage your body: jump up and down, yell, laugh, dance, hike, jog, walk, tense and release your muscles, do yoga, shake it out, rock your body in the fetal position, rest/sleep, cry, curse, self-massage, self-hug, take a shower
- Lean on others: 20-second hug, cuddle with your pet, talk with others
- Get creative: knit, draw, color, garden, cook, bake
- Breathe: square breathing (in for 4, hold for 4, out for 4, hold for 4); 4, 7, 8 breath (4-second inhale, 7 hold, 8 exhale)
Another trans friend explained yesterday that if they freaked out at every attack on the transgender community (especially in Texas!), they wouldn't be able to function. We can't have an oversized reaction to every single thing, especially if we're worried about something that hasn't happened yet. I know - that's easier said than done.
Keep living your life
You know what my trans kids were doing the day after Charlie Kirk's death? Driving across Texas to attend a live action role playing event. They're having a blast with friends. They're probably eating junk food. They're having FUN. They're living their lives and not letting transphobes make them hermits.
We can still take safety measures in uncertain situations, like using the buddy system, learning basic self-defense, or de-escalating bullying or harassment.
But we can't hide. We can't be silent. If you've got an ounce of privilege - use it. Speak up for the trans community and against those who wish to harm them. It's the human thing to do.
